I’m so proud of my friend, Cassandra Blomberg, for being brave enough to share her personal story of loss and to help break the silence surrounding miscarriage and stillbirth. Similar to the way I lost Lucy, Cassandra lost her daughter, Violet, to anti-c antibodies in her first sensitized pregnancy. She and I had miscarriages around […]

On this day nine years ago our baby’s heart stopped as we helplessly watched on ultrasound. It was by far the worst day of my life. A day that broke me to my core and divided my life into before and after. Of all the days of my life so far, I have thought about […]

Lucy means “light” and when my Lucy left, she took all the light with her. I was plunged into darkness. This past year I have felt like God has been leading me through the dark. Can you picture it? We’re in the deep, dark woods that are full of unknown dangers. The ground is uneven, […]

Our little rainbow baby, Nora, is now almost three and a half years old. She is in that shifty space between baby and kid where one minute she is using words like “consequence” and “incredible” in complex sentences and the next minute she is shouting for Mommy to come wipe her butt after a good […]

* If you are dealing with anti-Kell antibodies and are searching for information, don’t be scared or discouraged by my story. Your baby will probably be fine as long as you educate yourself and make sure you and your baby get the correct treatment. Make sure to check the bottom of the page for the […]

I had my 36th ultrasound yesterday to check on baby one last time before the IUT on Monday and to check his weight. The weight estimate is very important because the doctors use it to decide how much sedative/paralytic to give the baby before the procedure, and how much donor blood to give him during […]

Just a quick update on my ultrasound yesterday. Baby’s MCA scan showed lower numbers than Monday so we have canceled the IUT. Thank you to everyone who was praying with us! Baby looked great again on the ultrasound, no signs of hydrops or anemia. He was a bit less active than usual but that was […]

When I was pregnant with Lucy I prayed for her all the time. It felt like every breath I took ended with a “Please God.” A married couple who were friends of ours had been struggling with infertility for years and didn’t have any children yet. Their empty arms weighed heavy on me. I decided […]

Tonight I held my nephew Jack for the first time ever. This is only the second time I have seen him in person since he was born. He is four months old and he and Lucy were supposed to be the closest cousins. She would be almost the same size as he is now. He […]

When I lost Lucy I knew the grief would overtake my world and would feel unbearable. It did. One surprising aspect of the grief has been the intense pain caused by pregnant bellies and baby girls. They remind me of what I don’t have. Even pictures of my OWN pregnant belly are impossible to look […]

*TRIGGER WARNING* This blog post includes my experiences through three very high risk pregnancies and discusses stillbirth. There are some sections specifically written for the women who have been given a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis like we were. If you have a less serious high risk diagnosis, I suggest skipping over the “Go there once” and […]

It is hard to believe that my daughter would be turning five this year if she had been born alive. How did I survive five whole years with this ache inside my chest? I wonder who she would be today. Would she be reading super early like her brothers or would she show no interest […]

As I continue navigating my way through this high risk pregnancy, which is my fourth Kell sensitized pregnancy, I am learning so many things along the way. I could share about the truths this baby is teaching me about hardship, perseverance and faith but for this blog post I wanted to just list some of […]

The past few nights Josh has had nightmares that the boys are in danger and he can’t save them. He can’t rescue them. This morning I took my boys swimming with some friends. On my way out the door Josh said, “Hey, don’t let my kids drown.” I laughed and said he was weird and […]