When I lost Lucy I knew the grief would overtake my world and would feel unbearable. It did. One surprising aspect of the grief has been the intense pain caused by pregnant bellies and baby girls. They remind me of what I don’t have. Even pictures of my OWN pregnant belly are impossible to look […]
Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora […]
This is so exciting…the post I’ve been waiting to write for so many months now. We are expecting a baby in October! No, we are not pregnant, but we are still expecting our third earth baby to arrive in October. We have been chosen by the most amazing expectant mother (“K”) and father (“P”) who’s […]
Nora made it through her first intrauterine blood transfusion safely and is doing great as far as we can tell. Her heart rate never dropped during the procedure so thankfully they didn’t have to deliver! They were able to hit her umbilical vein with the needle on the first try (still amazes me) and her […]
Yesterday I got the call from Dr. Trevett that I had been anxiously waiting for. I knew right away from the tone of his voice that the results were not good. Unfortunately, our baby is kell positive. Josh’s genes win again. The odds are supposedly 50/50 but Asher, Lucy, Nora and now this baby are […]
This ache for her, this absence in our family, the missing her. It never goes away. Today I was at the playground with Asher and my niece and nephew. Right when we got there I noticed a baby girl Lucy’s age toddling around. My pulse began to race immediately and the anxiety started to grow. […]
For the next four days we are keeping two little boys while their parents are out of town. The oldest is two and a half, just a few months younger than Asher, and the youngest is one and a half, just a few months older than Lucy would be. So we have a one year […]
16 months ago we went in for Lucy’s second intrauterine blood transfusion, but instead, we helplessly watched her heart stop beating and a couple hours later we were inducing labor. I have lived 16 months without my baby. It’s like going 16 months without food, or water or air or sunshine, but worse. Seriously, think […]
Three months ago today I lost my baby Lucy. I miss her so much. As I wrote in Lucy’s Story, God spoke very clearly to me while she was dying and we were watching on the monitor. He spoke to me while I was laboring and giving birth to her, when I saw her for […]
This post doesn’t really have much of a theme, just updating how things are going. I think every paragraph ends with a prayer request, sorry! We just need your prayers so much…they keep us afloat. On Monday I had my weekly IVIG treatment done at my house by a home care nurse. She will be […]
We drove to Houston for the LAST time on Sunday. It’s so nice to have my whole family together for this trip. Josh has the whole month of July off work so he can stay here with us the entire time (unless Nora’s NICU stay is longer than we expect.) On the way here it […]
Ever since losing Jude, right after Lucy’s due date, I have felt spiritually tired. It is so true that hope deferred makes the heart sick. I realized the other night that I have almost completely stopped asking God for another baby. I feel hope waning. I used to think, “I wonder when God is going […]
Today I am 37 weeks and one day pregnant with our rainbow baby Nora. I had my last check up with the regular OB yesterday and everything looks good…not much progress in the labor department. I’m still dilated to 3 centimeters like I was last week. I did gain SEVEN pounds last week, which is […]
This week my baby boy will start kindergarten. How is that possible? I feel like I was just begging God for that positive pregnancy test in 2008, begging Him to give me a blonde baby boy named Liam. I feel like it was just yesterday that Liam was taking his first steps, that he was […]