Today is yet another hard day for us. March 19th, 2014 was Jude’s due date; our precious baby Jude, our fourth child that we know absolutely nothing about. We are so sad that we have to wait until heaven to meet him or her. We are comforted by the fact that Jude is with Lucy […]
On this day nine years ago our baby’s heart stopped as we helplessly watched on ultrasound. It was by far the worst day of my life. A day that broke me to my core and divided my life into before and after. Of all the days of my life so far, I have thought about […]
On this day five years ago my lifelong dream of becoming a mother came true when I met my Liam Joshua for the first time. That was one of the happiest days of my life. On this day one year ago I was told that my baby girl was dying and there was nothing we […]
This is a heavy post. My grandfather is dying right now. He is 93 years old and he’s in a hospital bed in my old bedroom in my parents’ house down the street. We have been keeping vigil by his bedside for the past four or five days, never leaving him alone for more than […]
It’s been a few weeks since I updated the blog. Our baby boy is still doing really well and holding his own against the antibodies week by week. I am now 23 weeks and 4 days pregnant which means that the baby is technically viable. The survival rates for a baby born at 23-24 weeks […]
Today I had my 16 week MCA scan. Even though we just had a scan on Friday and everything was ok, I was really scared that her numbers had gone up and she was anemic. Her numbers did go up, but not by a lot. On Friday her level was 1.27 and today it was […]
I haven’t written much lately on the blog because sometimes I feel like I write the same stuff over and over again, probably because God is patiently teaching me the same things over and over again. It’s taking a long time for me to learn it, apparently. Be patient in suffering, trust God, believe that […]
The whole time I was pregnant, my goal was to get Nora past 25 weeks (viability) and out of my womb to safety. Thankfully, we got even further than that and we are so relieved that she is here with us. I never really thought past that point for some reason, so the past few […]
Every baby is special, every life is important, and every Mom wants to show off her baby. For those of us who lose our babies too soon, we don’t ever get to show them off and we rarely get to say their names or tell people about them. In our country, thousands of babies are stillborn […]
This week I am 36 weeks pregnant and on Monday we scheduled my induction. It’s so exciting to finally have a date to look forward to! I am scheduled to be induced on the morning of Monday, July 20th when I am 38 weeks exactly. Of course, if there are no beds available and they […]
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This is what I have learned about this complication over the past few years through my experiences, through the wisdom others have shared with me and through my research. I still remember hearing the words, “There’s a problem with your blood work.” It was my first ultrasound and […]
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past few days. Today’s ultrasound was better than Monday’s and baby boy’s MoM levels were slightly lower than they were on Monday! Today they were around 1.22 and the previous levels were around 1.3 He looked really healthy and wasn’t showing any signs of anemia […]
Today God has given me a bit of a break from the stifling grief. It’s like coming up for air. I’ve noticed that this has been my pattern of grief. I am horribly depressed and I think about Lucy all day and cry every hour. That usually lasts several weeks, then I come up for […]
Ever since Lucy died I have been praying and asking God to let me see her in a dream. I kind of know what she looked like because I got to see her after she died, but I was only half way through the pregnancy. I always wonder what she was going to look like […]