21 Weeks 💗 | Losing Lucy and Finding Hope

*Sorry in advance for any mistakes…I didn’t have access to a computer so I had to type this post out on my phone.

I am 21 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Just typing that out and seeing it written here on my blog seems unbelievable to me. How have we made it this far without any anemia and without needing a blood transfusion? On Monday I had my 21 week ultrasound to check Nora for anemia and signs of distress. Last week she got about a 1.48 on her MCA scan, dangerously close to needing a blood transfusion. This week it went down to a 1.42! What a wonderful surprise! Once again, the doctor couldn’t see any signs of anemia or distress- no extra fluid or dilating of the heart, so he said to come back in a week for a recheck. He said the weekly IVIG treatments must really be working and keeping Nora safe from my antibodies for now. They measured Nora and she was a little big for 21weeks, weighing in at one pound. This week alone I have met two different families whose babies were born at 24 weeks and each baby weighed one pound at birth (and both survived!) I am so grateful for my big growing girl. I also finally gained my first pound of my pregnancy this week. My nausea is slowly subsiding and I have an appetite for the first time since November. It is WONDERFUL to actually enjoy some of the food I am eating.

This past week I finally took a leap of faith and bought lots of summer maternity clothes. My normal clothes just aren’t fitting anymore and I have finally allowed myself to actually believe that I might still be pregnant when summer arrives. I was lucky enough to stumble on a maternity section at a local thrift store. Apparently there was some lady out there who was also pregnant in the summer and she was my EXACT size and she donated her really cute Motherhood maternity clothes to the thrift store 😃 It was such a blessing since we weren’t sure how we were going to afford a whole new season of maternity clothes (I had mostly winter.) I also bought a cute little sister onesie and hat for our Nora girl. I REALLY hope this is finally our little sister that we get to bring home.

We are very thankful to be here in Houston in the Ronald McDonald House, so close to such amazing medical care (we can walk to our hospital!) However, the strain of being away from home for so long is finally starting to weigh on all of us. We don’t know how long we will be here, but lately we have been coming to terms with the fact that I will probably deliver Nora here. If she is in danger at all, we can’t risk her life for our convenience. She will have the best medical care and the best chance at life, which means staying in Houston until she arrives. The financial strain is growing with all of the extra medical costs, living costs and the fact that I can’t work while I’m here. The emotional burden feels even heavier at times. When Josh left to go home after his visit I felt depressed, knowing I might not see him for several weeks. Today my Dad left with Liam to go back to Tuscaloosa. Asher begged to go too, then burst into tears when I told him he had to stay here in Houston with me. He wept so hard, “But I want to build a weally big twain twack in my own house and I want to see my puppy and sweep in my bed!” I don’t blame him. I want to sleep in my own bed too (especially with the discomfort of pregnancy.) He cried for a long time and the only thing that kept me from breaking down and crying with him was imagining him crying over his dead baby sister, because that is the alternative. I have seen my sons cry giant tears and beg me for their baby sister to come down from heaven. I have seen them cry because Mommy wouldn’t stop crying and I have seen them neglected for long periods of time while I struggled on my darkest days just to get out of bed after Lucy died. Our suffering now is nothing compared to the pain of losing a child. I know that all of this is worth it if Nora lives.

Thank you all for following our story and praying for us and spurring us on. You give us strength and encouragement and we appreciate every one of you. Please continue to pray for us…for Liam as he is without his Mommy and brother and for Asher as he is away from Daddy, brother and home. Please pray that God takes care of all of our needs while we are here and especially for Him to continue protecting Nora in the womb. What an amazing God we have and what a miracle that He has allowed our Nora to flourish like this. I can’t wait to see what else He is going to do.

Here is the 20 week belly (I haven’t taken a picture this week yet):