Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora Juliet.) We are thankful that we found the perfect name for him and we won’t be naming any more babies after this!
Callum is pronounced “Cal” like in California and “um” like in umbrella. We have been surprised to hear lots of variations on the pronunciation (I guess since most people haven’t heard the name much.) We’ve heard “Caylum” and “Collum” a lot. The name Callum is Scottish, and it means “Peace/Dove.” God truly has brought us so much peace through this boy and He blessed me with a supernatural peace throughout my stressful pregnancy. Even while being wheeled into the operating room for a completely unexpected c-section all by myself with a premature baby who was showing signs of distress, I felt overcome by peace and excitement. I pray that in this world of suffering and chaos, Callum will know the deep, resounding peace of Jesus. I pray that God uses Callum’s life to bring peace and comfort to others.
Callum’s middle name, Joseph, means “God has added” which is so perfect. We never thought we would have any more babies after Lucy died, then we were blessed with Nora and even though we wanted more than three kids, we thought we had to stop after having our rainbow baby. God has added yet another beautiful little person to our family and we are amazed at His goodness to us. God has added, He hasn’t replaced Lucy or taken away our grief, but He has added joy, peace and fulfillment to all of our loss through this sweet boy. Joseph is also Dr. Moise’s middle name and we know that Callum wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dr. Moise. Dr. Moise pioneered the use of plasmapheresis and IVIG for women with extreme alloimmunization during pregnancy (like me.) Callum would not have survived without plasmapheresis and IVIG treatments that kept him alive while he grew big enough for intrauterine blood transfusions. Dr. Moise also helped train Dr. Trevett and is part of the reason why Dr. Trevett is such an amazing physician. Dr. Moise collaborated with Dr. Trevett (all the way from Houston) for my care during my pregnancy with Callum and we are so grateful for his help.
Callum’s other middle name, Thomas, is after Dr. Thomas Trevett, who worked so hard to get Callum here alive.
It is rare to find a physician who is not only skilled at what he does but is also humble, generous and compassionate like Dr. Trevett. He always treated me with kindness and respect, even when I questioned him or when my anxiety bordered on controlling. Dr. Trevett was so cautious with our son’s life. He protected Callum when he was in his most vulnerable and helpless state, and for that we will forever be grateful. I would love for Callum to grow up to be a great man like Dr. Trevett.
A few people have mentioned to us that Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett probably feel honored to have a baby named after them, but really we are the ones who feel honored to have these men in our lives. We feel honored that Dr. Trevett and Dr. Moise played such an important part in the life of our son and Callum gets to grow up admiring them.
So, that is how our Callum Joseph Thomas was named and he has a lot to live up to and we have so much to be thankful for.
Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora Juliet.) We are thankful that we found the perfect name for him and we won’t be naming any more babies after this!
Callum is pronounced “Cal” like in California and “um” like in umbrella. We have been surprised to hear lots of variations on the pronunciation (I guess since most people haven’t heard the name much.) We’ve heard “Caylum” and “Collum” a lot. The name Callum is Scottish, and it means “Peace/Dove.” God truly has brought us so much peace through this boy and He blessed me with a supernatural peace throughout my stressful pregnancy. Even while being wheeled into the operating room for a completely unexpected c-section all by myself with a premature baby who was showing signs of distress, I felt overcome by peace and excitement. I pray that in this world of suffering and chaos, Callum will know the deep, resounding peace of Jesus. I pray that God uses Callum’s life to bring peace and comfort to others.
Callum’s middle name, Joseph, means “God has added” which is so perfect. We never thought we would have any more babies after Lucy died, then we were blessed with Nora and even though we wanted more than three kids, we thought we had to stop after having our rainbow baby. God has added yet another beautiful little person to our family and we are amazed at His goodness to us. God has added, He hasn’t replaced Lucy or taken away our grief, but He has added joy, peace and fulfillment to all of our loss through this sweet boy. Joseph is also Dr. Moise’s middle name and we know that Callum wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dr. Moise. Dr. Moise pioneered the use of plasmapheresis and IVIG for women with extreme alloimmunization during pregnancy (like me.) Callum would not have survived without plasmapheresis and IVIG treatments that kept him alive while he grew big enough for intrauterine blood transfusions. Dr. Moise also helped train Dr. Trevett and is part of the reason why Dr. Trevett is such an amazing physician. Dr. Moise collaborated with Dr. Trevett (all the way from Houston) for my care during my pregnancy with Callum and we are so grateful for his help.
Callum’s other middle name, Thomas, is after Dr. Thomas Trevett, who worked so hard to get Callum here alive.
It is rare to find a physician who is not only skilled at what he does but is also humble, generous and compassionate like Dr. Trevett. He always treated me with kindness and respect, even when I questioned him or when my anxiety bordered on controlling. Dr. Trevett was so cautious with our son’s life. He protected Callum when he was in his most vulnerable and helpless state, and for that we will forever be grateful. I would love for Callum to grow up to be a great man like Dr. Trevett.
A few people have mentioned to us that Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett probably feel honored to have a baby named after them, but really we are the ones who feel honored to have these men in our lives. We feel honored that Dr. Trevett and Dr. Moise played such an important part in the life of our son and Callum gets to grow up admiring them.
So, that is how our Callum Joseph Thomas was named and he has a lot to live up to and we have so much to be thankful for.
Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora Juliet.) We are thankful that we found the perfect name for him and we won’t be naming any more babies after this!
Callum is pronounced “Cal” like in California and “um” like in umbrella. We have been surprised to hear lots of variations on the pronunciation (I guess since most people haven’t heard the name much.) We’ve heard “Caylum” and “Collum” a lot. The name Callum is Scottish, and it means “Peace/Dove.” God truly has brought us so much peace through this boy and He blessed me with a supernatural peace throughout my stressful pregnancy. Even while being wheeled into the operating room for a completely unexpected c-section all by myself with a premature baby who was showing signs of distress, I felt overcome by peace and excitement. I pray that in this world of suffering and chaos, Callum will know the deep, resounding peace of Jesus. I pray that God uses Callum’s life to bring peace and comfort to others.
Callum’s middle name, Joseph, means “God has added” which is so perfect. We never thought we would have any more babies after Lucy died, then we were blessed with Nora and even though we wanted more than three kids, we thought we had to stop after having our rainbow baby. God has added yet another beautiful little person to our family and we are amazed at His goodness to us. God has added, He hasn’t replaced Lucy or taken away our grief, but He has added joy, peace and fulfillment to all of our loss through this sweet boy. Joseph is also Dr. Moise’s middle name and we know that Callum wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dr. Moise. Dr. Moise pioneered the use of plasmapheresis and IVIG for women with extreme alloimmunization during pregnancy (like me.) Callum would not have survived without plasmapheresis and IVIG treatments that kept him alive while he grew big enough for intrauterine blood transfusions. Dr. Moise also helped train Dr. Trevett and is part of the reason why Dr. Trevett is such an amazing physician. Dr. Moise collaborated with Dr. Trevett (all the way from Houston) for my care during my pregnancy with Callum and we are so grateful for his help.
Callum’s other middle name, Thomas, is after Dr. Thomas Trevett, who worked so hard to get Callum here alive.
It is rare to find a physician who is not only skilled at what he does but is also humble, generous and compassionate like Dr. Trevett. He always treated me with kindness and respect, even when I questioned him or when my anxiety bordered on controlling. Dr. Trevett was so cautious with our son’s life. He protected Callum when he was in his most vulnerable and helpless state, and for that we will forever be grateful. I would love for Callum to grow up to be a great man like Dr. Trevett.
A few people have mentioned to us that Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett probably feel honored to have a baby named after them, but really we are the ones who feel honored to have these men in our lives. We feel honored that Dr. Trevett and Dr. Moise played such an important part in the life of our son and Callum gets to grow up admiring them.
So, that is how our Callum Joseph Thomas was named and he has a lot to live up to and we have so much to be thankful for.
Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora Juliet.) We are thankful that we found the perfect name for him and we won’t be naming any more babies after this!
Callum is pronounced “Cal” like in California and “um” like in umbrella. We have been surprised to hear lots of variations on the pronunciation (I guess since most people haven’t heard the name much.) We’ve heard “Caylum” and “Collum” a lot. The name Callum is Scottish, and it means “Peace/Dove.” God truly has brought us so much peace through this boy and He blessed me with a supernatural peace throughout my stressful pregnancy. Even while being wheeled into the operating room for a completely unexpected c-section all by myself with a premature baby who was showing signs of distress, I felt overcome by peace and excitement. I pray that in this world of suffering and chaos, Callum will know the deep, resounding peace of Jesus. I pray that God uses Callum’s life to bring peace and comfort to others.
Callum’s middle name, Joseph, means “God has added” which is so perfect. We never thought we would have any more babies after Lucy died, then we were blessed with Nora and even though we wanted more than three kids, we thought we had to stop after having our rainbow baby. God has added yet another beautiful little person to our family and we are amazed at His goodness to us. God has added, He hasn’t replaced Lucy or taken away our grief, but He has added joy, peace and fulfillment to all of our loss through this sweet boy. Joseph is also Dr. Moise’s middle name and we know that Callum wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dr. Moise. Dr. Moise pioneered the use of plasmapheresis and IVIG for women with extreme alloimmunization during pregnancy (like me.) Callum would not have survived without plasmapheresis and IVIG treatments that kept him alive while he grew big enough for intrauterine blood transfusions. Dr. Moise also helped train Dr. Trevett and is part of the reason why Dr. Trevett is such an amazing physician. Dr. Moise collaborated with Dr. Trevett (all the way from Houston) for my care during my pregnancy with Callum and we are so grateful for his help.
Callum’s other middle name, Thomas, is after Dr. Thomas Trevett, who worked so hard to get Callum here alive.
It is rare to find a physician who is not only skilled at what he does but is also humble, generous and compassionate like Dr. Trevett. He always treated me with kindness and respect, even when I questioned him or when my anxiety bordered on controlling. Dr. Trevett was so cautious with our son’s life. He protected Callum when he was in his most vulnerable and helpless state, and for that we will forever be grateful. I would love for Callum to grow up to be a great man like Dr. Trevett.
A few people have mentioned to us that Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett probably feel honored to have a baby named after them, but really we are the ones who feel honored to have these men in our lives. We feel honored that Dr. Trevett and Dr. Moise played such an important part in the life of our son and Callum gets to grow up admiring them.
So, that is how our Callum Joseph Thomas was named and he has a lot to live up to and we have so much to be thankful for.
Before dinner, Asher always thanks God for the food and asks Him for a new baby. The other night Liam said, “I want God to put baby Lucy in your belly.” I told him that it won’t be Lucy, but maybe He would give us another girl. He said, “Ok, and we will name her Lucy.” But I told him (like I have so many times) that we have to name the next baby something other than Lucy because it won’t be Lucy. He looked so sad. I asked him if maybe he wants to name the next baby Ruby (just trying to think of a name similar to Lucy) and he said that Asher can name the baby in his belly Ruby, but he wants the next baby in Mommy’s belly to be Lucy. It breaks my heart, but it also echoes my heart. If we ever have another baby, he or she will be welcomed with so much love, hope and thankfulness, but also with sorrow, because everything about that baby will remind me of what I missed with Lucy.
Another conversation- I tell Liam that we’re going to visit Daddy-D (my grandfather) in Memphis the next day. He says, “What about Mama-E? Is she going to be there?” I remind him that Mama-E died and went to heaven and is playing with baby Lucy there. But he looks very concerned and says, “But I don’t want her to play with Lucy. She’s MY baby sister. I want to play with her.” Again, his honesty echoes my own heartache. Often, when I think of my amazing grandmothers in heaven cuddling Lucy and loving her, I feel happy and then I feel very, very jealous. I’m jealous that someone else gets to know my baby before I do. I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s how I feel and apparently it’s how Liam feels too. One day we’ll probably look back from heaven and laugh at our silly, earthly perspectives, but for now I don’t want another baby in my belly, I want Lucy. And I don’t want my grandmothers taking care of Lucy, I want to be the one taking care of her and I want her big brothers to be the ones playing with her.
Several people have asked us how we came up with the name Callum and others have asked why he has two middle names. Josh and I really struggled to come up with Callum’s name since we had already named seven babies before him (Liam Joshua, Asher Caleb, Lucy Dair, Jude, Pax, Scarlet Mae and Nora Juliet.) We are thankful that we found the perfect name for him and we won’t be naming any more babies after this!
Callum is pronounced “Cal” like in California and “um” like in umbrella. We have been surprised to hear lots of variations on the pronunciation (I guess since most people haven’t heard the name much.) We’ve heard “Caylum” and “Collum” a lot. The name Callum is Scottish, and it means “Peace/Dove.” God truly has brought us so much peace through this boy and He blessed me with a supernatural peace throughout my stressful pregnancy. Even while being wheeled into the operating room for a completely unexpected c-section all by myself with a premature baby who was showing signs of distress, I felt overcome by peace and excitement. I pray that in this world of suffering and chaos, Callum will know the deep, resounding peace of Jesus. I pray that God uses Callum’s life to bring peace and comfort to others.
Callum’s middle name, Joseph, means “God has added” which is so perfect. We never thought we would have any more babies after Lucy died, then we were blessed with Nora and even though we wanted more than three kids, we thought we had to stop after having our rainbow baby. God has added yet another beautiful little person to our family and we are amazed at His goodness to us. God has added, He hasn’t replaced Lucy or taken away our grief, but He has added joy, peace and fulfillment to all of our loss through this sweet boy. Joseph is also Dr. Moise’s middle name and we know that Callum wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dr. Moise. Dr. Moise pioneered the use of plasmapheresis and IVIG for women with extreme alloimmunization during pregnancy (like me.) Callum would not have survived without plasmapheresis and IVIG treatments that kept him alive while he grew big enough for intrauterine blood transfusions. Dr. Moise also helped train Dr. Trevett and is part of the reason why Dr. Trevett is such an amazing physician. Dr. Moise collaborated with Dr. Trevett (all the way from Houston) for my care during my pregnancy with Callum and we are so grateful for his help.
Callum’s other middle name, Thomas, is after Dr. Thomas Trevett, who worked so hard to get Callum here alive.
It is rare to find a physician who is not only skilled at what he does but is also humble, generous and compassionate like Dr. Trevett. He always treated me with kindness and respect, even when I questioned him or when my anxiety bordered on controlling. Dr. Trevett was so cautious with our son’s life. He protected Callum when he was in his most vulnerable and helpless state, and for that we will forever be grateful. I would love for Callum to grow up to be a great man like Dr. Trevett.
A few people have mentioned to us that Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett probably feel honored to have a baby named after them, but really we are the ones who feel honored to have these men in our lives. We feel honored that Dr. Trevett and Dr. Moise played such an important part in the life of our son and Callum gets to grow up admiring them.
So, that is how our Callum Joseph Thomas was named and he has a lot to live up to and we have so much to be thankful for.
Before dinner, Asher always thanks God for the food and asks Him for a new baby. The other night Liam said, “I want God to put baby Lucy in your belly.” I told him that it won’t be Lucy, but maybe He would give us another girl. He said, “Ok, and we will name her Lucy.” But I told him (like I have so many times) that we have to name the next baby something other than Lucy because it won’t be Lucy. He looked so sad. I asked him if maybe he wants to name the next baby Ruby (just trying to think of a name similar to Lucy) and he said that Asher can name the baby in his belly Ruby, but he wants the next baby in Mommy’s belly to be Lucy. It breaks my heart, but it also echoes my heart. If we ever have another baby, he or she will be welcomed with so much love, hope and thankfulness, but also with sorrow, because everything about that baby will remind me of what I missed with Lucy.
Another conversation- I tell Liam that we’re going to visit Daddy-D (my grandfather) in Memphis the next day. He says, “What about Mama-E? Is she going to be there?” I remind him that Mama-E died and went to heaven and is playing with baby Lucy there. But he looks very concerned and says, “But I don’t want her to play with Lucy. She’s MY baby sister. I want to play with her.” Again, his honesty echoes my own heartache. Often, when I think of my amazing grandmothers in heaven cuddling Lucy and loving her, I feel happy and then I feel very, very jealous. I’m jealous that someone else gets to know my baby before I do. I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s how I feel and apparently it’s how Liam feels too. One day we’ll probably look back from heaven and laugh at our silly, earthly perspectives, but for now I don’t want another baby in my belly, I want Lucy. And I don’t want my grandmothers taking care of Lucy, I want to be the one taking care of her and I want her big brothers to be the ones playing with her.
This post doesn’t really have much of a theme, just updating how things are going. I think every paragraph ends with a prayer request, sorry! We just need your prayers so much…they keep us afloat. On Monday I had my weekly IVIG treatment done at my house by a home care nurse. She will be coming out to our house every week from now on to give me my treatments. This is SO much easier than driving two hours to the hospital and getting the treatments in the labor and delivery ward. The nurse was SO kind and was here for about nine hours (poor thing!) I was just happy that Asher kept his clothes on all day. His favorite thing to be is naked. I had envisioned myself being productive and doing laundry and such during the treatment, but I was hooked up to an IV and blood pressure monitor the whole time and was basically bed-ridden. It turned out to be a good, forced rest for me. The nurse insisted that I nap and rest while she took care of Asher (Liam was at school) and she handled all of the treatment stuff too. When I woke up she and Asher were doing artwork for Mommy and then she played trains in the floor with him for a LONG time.
Artwork done by the home care nurse and Asher. Notice Asher’s phonetic spelling of turkey “TRCE” haha 🙂
He absolutely loved her and soaked up all the attention she gave him. I haven’t been able to give the boys much attention lately so he needed it desperately. He actually threw himself on the floor in typical 3 year old fashion and cried when she left. He is counting the days until she returns. This woman was such a blessing to our family. Also, her sister just lost her daughter, Hazel Mae, who was stillborn this month. Will you all pray for Hazel’s parents and big sister? I keep thinking about them all and my heart aches for them. At random times her name, Hazel Mae, (isn’t it a beautiful name?) comes to my mind throughout the day and I tear up and my heart races and it feels like I miss her, even though I never met her or her parents. It still shocks me that other women lose babies, every single day. Let’s all pray peace and healing over this family.
My boys have been mentioning the baby more, which actually breaks my heart because I don’t know if they will ever get to meet him/her. After I told the boys about the baby, Liam’s eyes got big and watery and he said, “Mama, PLEASE don’t let this baby die in your belly. We need a baby, we haven’t had one in our family in one hundred thousand years.” This week he cuddled up to me and rubbed my belly. His face was alight and expectant and he said, “Hey little buddy, you’ll be here soon.” Sometimes Liam will hug me and say, “Mom, I just love you so much because you have a baby in your belly.” Asher asks how much longer until the baby comes out and I have to remind him that we don’t know if we will get to keep the baby. It is heartbreaking. Honestly, I don’t know how to do this. If we only have this baby for half of the pregnancy, I want to celebrate him/her while (s)he is here and savor every moment we get with this little person. But I also want to protect my boys’ hearts and I know the less we talk about the baby, the less they will get attached and maybe it will hurt less if the baby dies. But will I regret holding back if this is our only time with this baby? Oh, how I wish we could just expect this baby to come in the summer and start buying cute outfits and have long, hopeful conversations with Liam and Asher about how wonderful it will be to have a new baby in the house. I can’t even imagine the healing and joy that would take place if God answered their sweet, desperate prayers for their sibling with a YES this time and I got to see them holding their little brother or sister ALIVE in their arms. The thought is so beautiful that it’s painful and I try to push it out of my mind when it comes. It almost seems too good to be true. Will you all pray that my boys get to be big brothers to this baby and hold this baby ALIVE and BREATHING one day? Pray that God protects their little hearts from more pain and loss.
I am now 13 weeks pregnant and the baby looks perfect so far. This week I had my genetic testing done where they do blood work and a special ultrasound to check for down’s syndrome, trisomy 18 and spina bifida. I was surprised how little I have cared about these screenings, although I know they are serious disorders. Right now, I just want my baby to live and the biggest threat by far is the anti-kell antibodies. At the ultrasound they also checked for signs of fetal hydrops, which would show up as extra fluid around baby’s organs. Thankfully there were no signs of hydrops, baby was active and heartbreakingly cute with a strong heartbeat.
Baby’s cute profile on top and hand wave on the bottom
They also couldn’t tell the gender yet again, saying it could really go either way and it’s too early to tell. Maybe next week! I have had several people ask me if these good reports mean the baby is going to live. Unfortunately they don’t. Lucy’s ultrasounds at this point looked exactly the same- perfect. There were no signs of fetal hydrops or any problems. She had a level 2 ultrasound at 16/17 weeks where they looked carefully at every organ and checked for any signs of distress- there were none. She looked perfectly healthy. The only way we could tell that she was very sick was by doing a special ultrasound called an MCA scan that measures how fast the baby’s blood is flowing. If the blood is flowing too fast, it tells us that the baby is anemic. They waited until almost 18 weeks to do this scan on Lucy (after I INSISTED they try to do it for weeks) and everyone was shocked at how anemic she was. She was dying slowly while we were looking at normal ultrasounds and saying everything looked perfect. So, why aren’t we doing these MCA scans on my baby right now to check for anemia? Most doctors don’t do them or don’t know how to do them until 16-18 weeks. It is hard to get a good reading earlier than 16 weeks, but I have been in contact with several women who’s doctors started them as early as 12, 13 and 14 weeks. I have asked numerous times for my doctors to try the scan before 16 weeks, but they are adamant about not doing it since it’s not their normal protocol. They also have told me that they can’t do anything if the baby is anemic that early, however, there are things that can be done and have been done by other doctors at other hospitals. This is why I will be traveling to Houston, TX if the baby looks anemic early, so that we can try everything possible to save the baby. Of course, to know the baby is sick we will need to do the MCA scan earlier. This is my main prayer request for this weekend: I have an appointment with my doctors on Monday, Feb. 2nd and will be asking them one more time to try the MCA scan at 15 weeks. Will you please pray that they will change their minds and try the ultrasound? If they still say no, I will be traveling to Texas to have the ultrasound done (an 11 hour drive one way.) Will you also pray that the baby is not anemic and the MCA scan looks normal? I do want to add that the regular ultrasounds we are doing every week are still very important and if the baby was SICKER than Lucy was at this gestation, we might see signs of fetal hydrops (caused by severe anemia) such as extra fluid building up around the baby’s organs. We are thrilled each week to see normal ultrasounds with no visible problems.
Thank you again, to everyone who has left a comment, read the blog, prayed for us, thought about us, hoped for us, helped us with childcare (my family especially) and sent us kind gifts. We appreciate every one of you and couldn’t do it without you ❤
This post doesn’t really have much of a theme, just updating how things are going. I think every paragraph ends with a prayer request, sorry! We just need your prayers so much…they keep us afloat. On Monday I had my weekly IVIG treatment done at my house by a home care nurse. She will be coming out to our house every week from now on to give me my treatments. This is SO much easier than driving two hours to the hospital and getting the treatments in the labor and delivery ward. The nurse was SO kind and was here for about nine hours (poor thing!) I was just happy that Asher kept his clothes on all day. His favorite thing to be is naked. I had envisioned myself being productive and doing laundry and such during the treatment, but I was hooked up to an IV and blood pressure monitor the whole time and was basically bed-ridden. It turned out to be a good, forced rest for me. The nurse insisted that I nap and rest while she took care of Asher (Liam was at school) and she handled all of the treatment stuff too. When I woke up she and Asher were doing artwork for Mommy and then she played trains in the floor with him for a LONG time.
Artwork done by the home care nurse and Asher. Notice Asher’s phonetic spelling of turkey “TRCE” haha 🙂
He absolutely loved her and soaked up all the attention she gave him. I haven’t been able to give the boys much attention lately so he needed it desperately. He actually threw himself on the floor in typical 3 year old fashion and cried when she left. He is counting the days until she returns. This woman was such a blessing to our family. Also, her sister just lost her daughter, Hazel Mae, who was stillborn this month. Will you all pray for Hazel’s parents and big sister? I keep thinking about them all and my heart aches for them. At random times her name, Hazel Mae, (isn’t it a beautiful name?) comes to my mind throughout the day and I tear up and my heart races and it feels like I miss her, even though I never met her or her parents. It still shocks me that other women lose babies, every single day. Let’s all pray peace and healing over this family.
My boys have been mentioning the baby more, which actually breaks my heart because I don’t know if they will ever get to meet him/her. After I told the boys about the baby, Liam’s eyes got big and watery and he said, “Mama, PLEASE don’t let this baby die in your belly. We need a baby, we haven’t had one in our family in one hundred thousand years.” This week he cuddled up to me and rubbed my belly. His face was alight and expectant and he said, “Hey little buddy, you’ll be here soon.” Sometimes Liam will hug me and say, “Mom, I just love you so much because you have a baby in your belly.” Asher asks how much longer until the baby comes out and I have to remind him that we don’t know if we will get to keep the baby. It is heartbreaking. Honestly, I don’t know how to do this. If we only have this baby for half of the pregnancy, I want to celebrate him/her while (s)he is here and savor every moment we get with this little person. But I also want to protect my boys’ hearts and I know the less we talk about the baby, the less they will get attached and maybe it will hurt less if the baby dies. But will I regret holding back if this is our only time with this baby? Oh, how I wish we could just expect this baby to come in the summer and start buying cute outfits and have long, hopeful conversations with Liam and Asher about how wonderful it will be to have a new baby in the house. I can’t even imagine the healing and joy that would take place if God answered their sweet, desperate prayers for their sibling with a YES this time and I got to see them holding their little brother or sister ALIVE in their arms. The thought is so beautiful that it’s painful and I try to push it out of my mind when it comes. It almost seems too good to be true. Will you all pray that my boys get to be big brothers to this baby and hold this baby ALIVE and BREATHING one day? Pray that God protects their little hearts from more pain and loss.
I am now 13 weeks pregnant and the baby looks perfect so far. This week I had my genetic testing done where they do blood work and a special ultrasound to check for down’s syndrome, trisomy 18 and spina bifida. I was surprised how little I have cared about these screenings, although I know they are serious disorders. Right now, I just want my baby to live and the biggest threat by far is the anti-kell antibodies. At the ultrasound they also checked for signs of fetal hydrops, which would show up as extra fluid around baby’s organs. Thankfully there were no signs of hydrops, baby was active and heartbreakingly cute with a strong heartbeat.
Baby’s cute profile on top and hand wave on the bottom
They also couldn’t tell the gender yet again, saying it could really go either way and it’s too early to tell. Maybe next week! I have had several people ask me if these good reports mean the baby is going to live. Unfortunately they don’t. Lucy’s ultrasounds at this point looked exactly the same- perfect. There were no signs of fetal hydrops or any problems. She had a level 2 ultrasound at 16/17 weeks where they looked carefully at every organ and checked for any signs of distress- there were none. She looked perfectly healthy. The only way we could tell that she was very sick was by doing a special ultrasound called an MCA scan that measures how fast the baby’s blood is flowing. If the blood is flowing too fast, it tells us that the baby is anemic. They waited until almost 18 weeks to do this scan on Lucy (after I INSISTED they try to do it for weeks) and everyone was shocked at how anemic she was. She was dying slowly while we were looking at normal ultrasounds and saying everything looked perfect. So, why aren’t we doing these MCA scans on my baby right now to check for anemia? Most doctors don’t do them or don’t know how to do them until 16-18 weeks. It is hard to get a good reading earlier than 16 weeks, but I have been in contact with several women who’s doctors started them as early as 12, 13 and 14 weeks. I have asked numerous times for my doctors to try the scan before 16 weeks, but they are adamant about not doing it since it’s not their normal protocol. They also have told me that they can’t do anything if the baby is anemic that early, however, there are things that can be done and have been done by other doctors at other hospitals. This is why I will be traveling to Houston, TX if the baby looks anemic early, so that we can try everything possible to save the baby. Of course, to know the baby is sick we will need to do the MCA scan earlier. This is my main prayer request for this weekend: I have an appointment with my doctors on Monday, Feb. 2nd and will be asking them one more time to try the MCA scan at 15 weeks. Will you please pray that they will change their minds and try the ultrasound? If they still say no, I will be traveling to Texas to have the ultrasound done (an 11 hour drive one way.) Will you also pray that the baby is not anemic and the MCA scan looks normal? I do want to add that the regular ultrasounds we are doing every week are still very important and if the baby was SICKER than Lucy was at this gestation, we might see signs of fetal hydrops (caused by severe anemia) such as extra fluid building up around the baby’s organs. We are thrilled each week to see normal ultrasounds with no visible problems.
Thank you again, to everyone who has left a comment, read the blog, prayed for us, thought about us, hoped for us, helped us with childcare (my family especially) and sent us kind gifts. We appreciate every one of you and couldn’t do it without you ❤
I know most of you won’t be very interested in this, but I thought it might be good for me to post a link to Dr. Moise’s study on plasmapheresis and IVIG. Dr. Kenneth Moise is the maternal fetal medicine specialist who will be treating me in Houston, Texas. I have been doing plasmapheresis and IVIG since I was 11 weeks pregnant and it is probably the reason Nora is still alive right now. My doctors were not going to do this treatment with me, even though I have lost a baby and I have a very high antibody titer (level.) This treatment isn’t the normal protocol and is still considered somewhat “experimental” so the doctors usually don’t offer it initially. This is why it’s important to get this information out there. I printed off this study and took it to my doctors and asked them to reconsider allowing me to do the treatment. I also emailed Dr. Moise and gave his email address to my doctors. They contacted him and then agreed to try using his protocol, even though they emphasized that they didn’t know if it would work.
The most amazing thing about the study is when they compare the women’s previous pregnancies (without the treatment) to the most recent pregnancies (with the treatment.) Out of the nine women in the study, seven of them lost their babies in the previous pregnancy. They lost them at 17, 18, 19, 20, 25, 28 and 31 weeks gestation. With their next pregnancies ALL of the women’s babies survived because they were treated with plasmapheresis and IVIG. The babies were born between 27-38 weeks.
If you are pregnant and have antibodies, this study could be very helpful for you. I think it could be especially helpful if:
you have one of the most aggressive antibodies such as anti-D or anti-kell
you have a very high titer (in the hundreds or thousands)
you have lost a baby to antibodies in a previous pregnancy
your baby was severely affected by antibodies in a previous pregnancy
If you are in one of these groups I recommend you print off Dr. Moise’s study and take it to your MFM, preferably in the first trimester. Talk to your MFM about possibly trying this treatment. I asked my MFMs about trying this treatment when I was pregnant with Lucy, but they said she would be fine and didn’t need it and it was experimental. It was my first sensitized pregnancy so she should have been fine, but she wasn’t. Instead of pushing for the treatment, I let it go. I always wonder if she would have survived had we tried the treatment. If you feel like this treatment might be helpful for your baby, keep pushing until they agree to try it. If they won’t, look around for a second opinion with a different MFM, even if you have to drive a ways to get there. I am not a doctor or an expert on this kind of thing, but I am a mother who has lost her child and I hope you can learn from my story. I would love for Lucy and Nora’s story to help another baby. Here is the link to the study:
PlasmapheresNAIT
*UPDATE- Our kell positive baby Nora was born healthy and happy at 37 weeks and 6 days on July 19th, 2015. I know she survived because of the plasmapheresis and IVIG. I have also met several other women on the ISO Moms Facebook group who have lost babies to antibodies and then have been able to go on and have healthy rainbow babies after being treated with plasmapheresis and IVIG.
